Letting go of our 18 year olds and shooing them out the door can be a difficult time for many parents. My youngest of three is heading out in the fall and I've been thinking back to when my other two angels did what they could do to make our separation easier the summer prior to leaving. Through attitude and action it made me just a little more grateful for the parting. It reminded me of when they each were 2 years old and switched between being defiantly independent and running back into my arms for comfort, reassurance and love. So take heart, it's that stage again - they'll help you through the process by becoming as difficult as possible.

At a recent workshop I held on Preparing for the Empty Nest, many questions came up around what parents could do in the final few months to best prepare their children for college. Everyone worried about their child's first year away. They wondered what's left for a parent to do to best prep their children for what is yet to come. All worried if their children would:

• Make friends or want to come home the first semester
• Survive academically, or lose that 3.0 GPA auto insurance discount
• Wake up in time to go to class, or should mom call every morning to make sure they're up
• Be able to stick to a budget within the boundaries agreed upon
• Be smart enough to avoid public intoxication and passing out, or if dad should install a video cam on the child's baseball cap or purse

And finally, most importantly, can they survive without mom and dad, and can we survive without them? But that's fodder for another article.

What's the Answer?

In general, you've had 17 - 18 years to teach your child ethics, behavior and the core values that you want to instill in their life. So they're "fully baked" in who they are. To avoid future friction, experts recommend that you sit down ahead of time and tell them what your expectations are. You know your child best, so figure out when's the best time and place for this discussion: over breakfast, skiing, family meeting, or perhaps in the middle of the night when they're most vulnerable.

If nothing else, it's important to cover financial expectations and responsibilities. Alison Salisbury from Fiscally Fit, who works with clients with college age children, told me about one client's daughter who was consistently overdrawn because she didn't understand that when she took cash out of the ATM, the balance might not account for the most recent charges or withdrawls Each overdraft cost approximately $35. It mounts up. Another mom had her overdraft protection connected to her college student's credit card. Suddenly the mother saw multiple charges at different gas stations in one day - turns out, the card had been stolen and her student "forgot" to tell her. These young adults need to understand the responsibilities and basics around banking and charge accounts. They also need to know what you will cover versus what they will be responsible for.

Here are other important areas to discuss:

• Laundry: Make sure they know how to run a washer and dryer! You'd be amazed how many new bright red t-shirts still make it in with the whites. Of course, tie dye is still popular on many campuses.
• Food: Teach them how to cook at least one basic meal, even if it's Top Ramen in a microwave. And yes, pizza is a complete food group and can be eaten for breakfast.
• Academically: What are your expectations, and how low can they go on the grade scale before there are ramifications from you as well as from their school.
• Social life: Discuss the risks and consequences of drug abuse (alcohol and pharmaceuticals), and the lovely refresher course on birth control - whatever method you support.
• Medically: Make sure that your child has had the hepatitis B vaccine, as well as Menactra - a newer vaccine for meningitis that is specific to the strain that appears to haunt the halls of college dormitories. Also, review what prescriptions they need to pick up on a regular basis, if any. It's also a good idea to look over the insurance offered through the school. Often it has a better policy for dealing with on-campus clinic needs, then your insurance works as a back-up. Also, it's useful to send a first aid kit.
• Weight wise: Warn your children about the dreaded "Freshman 15" -the 5- to 15-pound weight gain that many children experience during the first year or so of college. This might help encourage them to eat healthy, and to not get depressed if it happens - it's not something to stress over.
• Counseling: See what kind of counseling is offered at the school in case of problems with stress, depression, weight gain/loss, substance abuse or relationships. Best to be prepared in case it's needed.
• Packing up: Take a look at thier dorms "what to bring" list from their new school, and prepare them for what they can and can't fit in their new, small space. Everything on the floor at home will not fit in their new closet space.
• Communication: When will they be hearing from you and how often do you expect to hear from them? Clarify if you expect a four hour response on your text or voicemail, and what method you want them to use to contact you back. Remind them how quickly they respond to their friends and that you expect the same courtesy.

With any luck, you and your child will survive their first year with no major issues. Some get through it easier than others - but as a parent, it never hurts to be prepared. So give them a pat as they go out the door and keep an eye on them from afar. But just like baby birds, some take to flight easier than others. It's just a matter of time, as eventually they all learn to fly. Now we parents are free to spread our wings again and begin planning the next great adventures in our lives.